RANT - Roommates

Roommates are a necessity born primarily out of economic challenges, i.e. You're broke as fuck and can't afford a whole bedroom all to yourself. This is a common byproduct of living in a resort community where hotel rooms rent per night for more than you make in a week, coupled with the fact that you aren't here to pursue a career beyond skiing or snowboarding every possible day. The sickening reality of your financial shortcomings takes hold early in the season, and you're forced to enter an agreement with 5 or 6 people you may or may not have known longer than mere moments previous. The basic understanding is that you'll do your best to co-exists, sharing in everything from space both in the fridge and on the bathroom countertop, to leftovers, the last of your milk, laundry detergent, a fair slice of the domestic chores (you wish) and the odd girlfriend. Or even the normal one. The degree to which this agreement is upheld often wanes over the course of the season, and usually more-so by some parties than others. Indeed, the concept of the perfect co-habitual circumstance is a stretch of the imagination, but it can occur.

There are 3 types of roommates which I care to consider the night before this is due to be published:

Good roommates, who you can manage to live with, and whose irritabilities cause the type of resentment you can suppress long enough to build a healthy little emotional powder keg, which is sparked by enough alcohol consumed during a dinner party sometime around the holidays. These are the people who will eventually clean up after themselves, will once-in-a-while surprise you by sharing part of a meal and consider it fair return on the 3 or 4 you prepared for them just this week, and who might even come home with a 4-pack of single-ply TP to replace any you may have bought and they may have used over the course of the last few days (months). These, sadly, are considered “good” roommates.
Great roommates, who you cling to as long as possible, convince not to get their own place with their fiance, and who you only really truly appreciate when their gone. These people are few and a far between, mostly because they've had enough shit from terrible roommates (like you, probably) that they've given up on the concept and derived a way to avoid them altogether. These are the ones who will wash not only their own dishes, but yours too, they almost always have milk, they wake you up on pow days, and when you're feeling guilty that you aren't contributing enough to the household, you can bet they feel just a little worse. If this sounds at all familiar, you probably have yourself a pretty great roommate on your hands, and you should start appreciating them before it's too late and they catch wise to your antics.
Godawful, horrible humans who should be processed, labelled, and only permitted to live with people at least as disgusting as themselves. Chances are, you know exactly who I mean. If you don't, IT'S YOU, FUCKFACE! These dickbags are kinda like the worst you can imagine, only way worse. Picture a greasy, dirty, smelly little bastard, who has no concept of sharing (unless it's of your stuff) who has all his life been babied by his parents, never learned to cook or clean up after himself, or ever had to support himself financially, so the $30 he was tipped out clearing bottles at the bar tonight is pure beer money, and doesn't need to be saved for, I don't know, rent or hydro or food or anything. They've never considered cleaning the bathroom (that's what air fresheners are for) you'll find that frying pan you need under their bed with something indistinguishable hardened onto it, and those goggles you can't find? They totally forgot they even had those and sold them for pot or beer, but not to replace any they took of yours.

If you still aren't sure which category you may fall under, here's a short list of scenarios which also lends itself nicely to showcasing a few highlights of some pretty horrendous stories of truly terrible roommates I've heard lately.

Beer in the fridge. A good roommate will ask for (or wait to be offered) one, and replace it the next day. A great roommate will own the beer, and claim they owe you a couple anyway so they're as good as yours. A terrible roommate will have already drank them before you got home, and claim to know nothing about them.

Household amenities. A good roommate will suggest pooling money to buy common things like dish and laundry soap, TP, and condiments. A great roommate will just buy it when it runs out anyway. A terrible roommate won't know what you're talking about, never uses soap of ANY kind anyway, and claims they only deuce at work.

You're leaving for at least a week. A good roommate will leave all your food alone, let visiting friends sleep in your room but make the bed so you don't know, and maybe try to tidy up the kitchen before you get back. A great roommate will leave your non-perishables alone but eat the rest so you don't return to sour milk and a drawer of melting vegetables, they'll ask if a friend can use your bed for a night and then wash your sheets after, and they'll have the place looking like it did when you left, and as a bonus, maybe even have leftovers for when you stumble through the door at 10pm after a 16-hour day in transit. A terrible roommate will have eaten every scrap of your food, rented your room out to some random, completely neglected to pay hydro for long enough that it's about to be cut off, left the bathroom a level 3 biohazard, and resorted to only eating take-out because there are no clean dishes.

Having a party. Good roommates come home at 3am with half the bar, blast some horrid electronic excuse for music, barge into your room, hammered, and announce you're having a house party, but only a couple times a month and only on weekends. Great roommates will throw an awesome party with all your friends and let you know well enough in advance that you can have alcohol and a hangover day ready. Terrible roommates throw ragers, on no notice, full of more dirtbags like themselves, to the point that you have to call the cops on your own house because it's 4am and you have to work the next day. They'll have drank all your alcohol that you were foolish enough to hide in your room, the house will smell like a bong full of whiskey, and they'll argue that you should help clean up because you were “there too”.

I have no real closing for this except to encourage you to choose the people you live with wisely. It is not a decision to be taken lightly, and can enhance, or destroy the entire experience. I hope you find someone whose lifestyle jives with yours, but if you notice them portraying any terrible roommate traits, boot those freeloading taint-stains a.s.a.p. because it will only get worse.